GOP! GOP! GOP!

Upon request from Agi; Crockett & Tubbs Steele & Boehner...

These boys are really going to clean up this town, I can tell. No more kid fucking. No more bathroom handjobs or back room buttsexx. Balanced budgets and fiscal discipline. They're already getting to work, forcing spineless Democrats to eliminate provisions for funding family planning and re-sod the National Mall in D.C. (remember, no more sodomy) from the stimulus bill, which is now in the Senate where the Republicans plan on filibustering it anyways. You thought the GOP was powerful while in the majority and being enabled by the Democrats...don't make them lose their patience now. They'll shut this 'Mother down, they've done it before.

Change has come to the GOP!

It's a pleasure to have a fine token black man like yourself on board.

Road To Somewhere

Illegal immigrants will be able to drive on roads built using funds from Obama stimulus package. - Atrios

*post inspiration by Mr. Fundamental

If He Had His Little Way, He'd Eat Peaches Everyday...

Only you can set you free.

So is he, or is he not...you know..."martin luther king with a nuclear arsenal?"

Is Rod Blagojevich Really Tony Clifton?

I mean, dude. Look at the hair. Add some fake sideburns and a 'stache and he's your man.

You know, Blago truly is the greatest living state-sponsored performance artist of our times. He literally decimated a CNN anchor last night.

I actually want to root for the guy now.

My Pledge is Lemon Scented

Here's Promo #5 in the series. As always, it was thrown together at the last minute with just the right amount of GFA51 charm.

How About The Miles Davis Quintet with John Coltrane?

Area 51 album cover by Montag

Since most of my favorite bands are British I'm having trouble naming an American band...but I know you can do better than this.

All I Have To Say Is "Good Luck, Mr. President"

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

- President Barack Obama

Sorry dude, but if the American people can't muster enough responsibility to clean up after themselves at your inauguration then there is no hope to "fix" this crumbling nation. I mean, seriously, there's probably over a grand worth of CRV right there...

official area 51 innaugaral response

They're here....

Consider this the official Guys from Area 51 Inauguration open dread thread.

Raining On The Parade

I realize we are 24 hours from The Biggest Day In American History and it seems preemptive and presumptive to be already "dissing" the soon to be President of These Here United States, but this is the place to visit if you have doubts or diminished expectations about the next few months. I have refrained from visiting other blogs where the Obama Euphoria is running rampant; it doesn't seem sporting to rain on other people's blogs at this point. Let them entertain the grand illusion of The Spectacle for a few weeks...

The image on the left is what America made up...what the American electorate projected onto a very shrewd politician...you created the Obama Mystique from the failings of eight years of the Bush Administration (but lest we forget, 54 million of your fellow citizens voted for the man...so place the blame where it should properly rest: on ourselves) and one can hardly blame you. Hell, a ten lb. bag of shredded cabbage would have served us better over the last two years.

But you will be disappointed, hence the caricature on the right, my rendition of Super Obama. He is a politician and a very skilled one at that. He allowed, even encouraged you to project your hopes and dreams onto his candidancy all the while remaining a blank canvas. So when the illusion begins to crumble and crumble it will, you have a safe haven here.

Aren't You Glad We Won!

At McDonald's, the Happiest Meal Is Hot Profits

Flight 1549

Not only must the United States government immediately declare a war on geese and seek out states that harbor winged terrorists (that means you, Canada!) but the American public must remain vigilant so that the friendly skies can be flown by our children and the future generations to come.

Because You Need To Live In Constant Fear

Portrait of a terrorist?

Terrorists could easily contrive an "insect-based" weapon to import an exotic disease, according to an entomologist who's promoting a book on the subject.

But remember, no matter how terrified you are, go shopping! If you fail to consume, the terrorists win.

Tap That

Intelligence Court Rules Wiretapping Power Legal

Roman Abramovich Ain't Got Nothin' on Me

My Own Private Bail-Out
Jules Boykoff and Dave Zirin
guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 14 January 2009 20.00 GMT

The Paulsons have agreed to fork over the $40m MLS franchise fee but argue they need $85m in public money to renovate the local PGE Park into a soccer-only stadium and to build the Beavers a new stadium at a separate location.

Relying on the received wisdom of a phalanx of economic consultants, they belt out the familiar tune that an infusion of public financing – which is to say taxpayer financing – will create jobs, jumpstart economic development around the stadiums and help Oregon's economy grow.

If only it were true.

Hell, $85 million is chump change compared to the $1 trillion ol' Hank has doled out to his buddies on Wall Street. Might as well give Portland a soccer team so they can then attract some European 30-something fading star to be their designated player and sell stupid jerseys for the kids.

my how time flies

seems like the presidential election was only yesterday

via boingboing

Worst Persons in the World

43. You

Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. You’re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from “The View.” You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.

Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.

Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.

THE BEAST 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA, 2008

Big, Big, Balls.

Carbon Neutral Balls...of course.

Sorry, But This Really Isn't My Problem

This is a well meaning, well intentioned, optimistic poster by an artist named Joshua Budich. My usual response to such optimistic propaganda is to alter it in some form, but I will leave this alone as the reality of the Obama Presidency will become clear within a few months. Don't get me wrong, Obama was a much saner choice than the McCain/Palin ticket; however, I didn't vote for either (I wrote in Dead Gus Hall).

I object to the spirit of this poster on mnay levels and I suppose that makes me a naysaying Defeatist. Sue me. The implication is now that Obama is President and the country is broken in so many respects, it's now time for all of us to pull together to fix the damage done by eight years of the Bush Administration. Let's clear up a few points here before you start hurling invective at me for not wanting to help America.

This country has been on this path since the 70s and we did have an awareness that we needed to make major changes. Instead the vast majority of Americans opted for a second rate actor and his vision of Morning In America...imagine if the auto industry had been mandated in 1977 to increase the mileage on their vehicles by 2 mpg every year...not asking at a lot is it? By my calculations, that means American automobiles would be averaging some 60-70 mpg...hell, we might even be exporting automobiles. I digress.

Eight years of Bush was just American power, greed and arrogance on steroids guided by some very sinister yet very intelligent men. They called the dance and a majority of the country went along with it. So now things are really, really fucked up...

And now we're all supposed to pull together to repair it. Where's that shit coming from? I didn't break this fucking country. In fact, I have opposed most every damn thing we've done in the past 28 years.
I didn't purchase nine house during the boom. I didn't issue worthless securities to thousands of subscribers. I didn't launch two unwinnable wars in distant lands. I didn't deregulate numerous institutions and industries resulting in the looting that followed. In fact, during all of this, I minded my own damn business. I went to work, fed my cats, hung out with my wife and worked on my art.
I reduced my consumption. I saved energy. I planted a vegetable garden. I simplified my life wherever possible (got rid of the cable and turned off the TV)...so I don't feel particularly responsible for the mess this country is in.

Now if Obama were to propose radical sweeping reforms involving the hanging of several government officials and industry leaders, a massive redistribution of wealth and the disarmament of the United States, you might find me quite interested. But Obama is here to restore the status quo. Americans don't want real change. They want cheap gasoline for their giant vehicles. They want to be able to climate control their 4,300 sq. ft houses cheaply. They want 82" giant screen televisions so they can become more unhealthy while watching their average of 8 hours of television a day. They want lots of cheap and nifty consumer products to enhance their lifestyle. We don't want to give up anything...we want it the way it was just a few years ago. That's the change you can believe in.

So, if you're expecting me to haul out my rake and broom and roll up my shirt-sleeves to restore the America that we knew, you're reading the wrong blog. I'm not at all interested or motivated in preserving The American Empire...I'll just follow my own path, thank you very much.

Getting Down and Dirty on the House Floor, Vol. 111

"It's time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly" - Larry Flynt

I don't know about you, but I sure as hell am ready to be stimulated. America was game the last go-round, so I'm sure she'll be game this year.

let's hope the serrach improves on his photoshop skillz in 2009

<





2008 was a fun one here at Area51; as the least prolific, not to mention skilled, Guy here, thanks dear readers for toleratin' my shit.

But Oprah told me I was a lock...

Person Who Answers To Wolf Blitzer Will Run America’s Doctors

probably a misogynist too

she's at again; for all possible reasons the potential appointment of a popular teevee personality to a cabinet position could be questioned, she chose this: he's an anti-fatite. i, not surprisingly, had not gotten the memo that discussion of obesity as a health risk was verboten. when i mentioned this to The Culture Ghost i very quickly received this -

MEMO TO EL SERRACHO:

Weight Diversity Recognition - it's the new black.

Luv

Melissa

it's good to know the culghost and our dear leader missy still keep in touch (am i allowed to say "touch?")

The Upcoming year

We ain't ever going to survive, unless we get a little bit crazy...

...and I did get a little crazy there for a minute. 2008, a photoshop retrospective:

I guess the good thing is I could see myself get a little better at it as time went on.

Images That Defined A Year

A few of my favorite creations from 2008.

Tank Parking, $5 American Tax Dollars.

Israeli Ground Forces Push Into Gaza

Crossposted @ Mccs1977

Post 1,000

Throughout the past 999 posts we have exhibited our commitment to bringing you the most glib, sarcastic, indifferent and curmudgeonly perspective on world affairs. We continue to stand proud as members of the D-list blogger brigade shining a mocking spotlight on the do-gooders, care-bears and ideologues.

Therefore, in recognition of our great service to the community we hereby award ourselves a Gaedel. What is a Gaedel, you say? Hell, it's the do-it-yourself blogging award! You might as well award yourself one too!

In celebration of this award we would like to thank ourselves for all the hard work, sacrifice, sweat and tears that have gone into this blog. We couldn't have done this without ourselves.

Now watch our promos...

Formalities...

Let's see, we need some predictions and resolutions...

Predictions first:

• We will have both a Senator Kennedy and a Senator Burris.
• Barack Obama's approval rating will be within 5 points of 50% by the end of the year
• I will graduate with my associate's degree in May.
  
• I will remain jobless for the majority of 2009.
• The power of the nut roots and the 101st Fighting Keyboarders will continue to wane.
  

Resolutions:

• I resolve to pay more attention to new music.
• Quality over quantity when it comes to blogging.
• I resolve to get outdoors more.
• Practice guitar everyday.
• I resolve to follow politics with a somewhat more objective eye.

Addendum: I resolve to learn more about video editing and pay more attention to my youtube channel. I predict I will fail at this.

To all the fans...

Happy New Year and thanks for playing! (Special thanks to Sarah for her comment which lead me to this video)