Catastrophic Success

$160,000 Per Stimulus Job? White House Calls That 'Calculator Abuse'

Dear An Anonymous Shaker;

At first it was assumed your post of Thursday, October 29th, was a very successful attempt at comedic writing, but then we remembered Proggels in general do not possess a sense of humor. So it became apparent that your plea for help in finding politically correct materials for your son to masturbate to was indeed the real thing.

First of all, what the hell were you doing going through your son's school papers? ("I was dismayed and surprised last night to discover, in a pile of my 11 year old son's school papers...") I am dismayed that you feel the need to violate the privacy of your child's paperwork? What the hell, mommie, were your parents members of the Stasi? Do you conduct routine searches of your children's rooms and desks?

So your precious ego-spawn is on the cusp of puberty and you are concerned that "his inspiration" (known in the real world as "stroke books") is politically correct and doesn't exploit, demean or otherwise objectify the women/men in these materials. Might as well get him a Home Depot catalogue if this is your wish 'cause your little pud pounder isn't going to give a damn about such sensitive topics when he's flogging the bishop. And before we go too far, you might familiarize yourself with the various euphemisms for masturbation (trust me, mommie, no kid announces," I successfully masturbated last evening.") He chokes the chicken. He flogs the bishop. He beats off. He plays with the one-eyed yogurt tosser....get it?

As to his social and political tendencies, they don't factor in once he gets some lubricant going on his Mr. Happy (which he will no doubt try every available substance in the house from Pam Spray On Cooking Oil to Oil of Olay skin creme....) and looking at whatever "inspiration" he happens to have. He doesn't care if the model(s) was paid a reasonable sum of money; he doesn't care about her future career prospects; and at the moment he pops his cookies he doesn't give a damn as to whether or not the imagery was exploitative or not...he's too busy getting his nut off!

So if you want your son to grow up like you, get him a copy of Das Kapital for "inspiration." If you'd like him to grow up and be a normal fucked up human, just let him be.

World Series 2009

The wife and I were watching Game 2 last night. She's someone who ordinarily hates baseball but was actually interested in the game. I only enjoy watching baseball when the games actually matter (i.e. October). The kicker was...we couldn't decide who to root for. Phillies? Yankees? Shit...there are no lesser of two evils here.

Open Season

If you think I'm going to let this post pass without comment....


Be patient, I'm working up to it.

some music for you

john kerry stops the climate bill discussion to make the point one last time..

This Is Blogging???

this???

A long time ago, in a place far, far away.

$1.09 a gallon.

The Most Trusted Name in [Cough, Cough] News

Hey Pa...whatsa Lateeno??

I dunno, son, let's ask the CNN...

WASHINGTON (CNN) – Latinos were once unfamiliar to more than half of all Americans, but a new national poll indicates that nearly two-thirds of those surveyed now say they have a lot or some contact with Latinos in places where they live, work or shop.

Sixty-six percent of people questioned in a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Wednesday morning say they have some or a lot of contact with Latinos. That's up 15 points from 1990.

Full results (pdf)

"The jump in contact is a result of the growing number of Latinos and their growing presence in all 50 states," says CNN Polling Director Keating Holland. "But familiarity is not the same as knowledge."

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that roughly six in 10 Latinos were born in the U.S.

"But nearly half of people we questioned said they assume that Latinos who they have never met are immigrants, and one in five believe they are illegal immigrants," adds Holland.

Well, son...I think they wear funny hats and eat tacos. But I still ain't never see one.

I don't know about you...

But I don't need none of your politics to inspire me to boycott Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

H/T alicublog

The Spectacle 256123, Authentic Social Life 0

I've got to admit, number 256,122 was a good one.

Dear Shakesville,

As an avid reader of your Proggel blog, I cannot begin to describe my current disappointment in the quality of your work since the last big debacle over there...you know, the incident when there was no publishing for almost five days and then everyone made peace and love by saying the magic phrase, "All in."

Since then, things just haven't been the same. You're dull. You're boring. You've lost that sense of raw outrage and self-righteous finger-pointing over every tiny incident that passes your scrutiny. In short, you're no longer the travesty that made you so endearing to us all. I implore you to please do something to rectify this as soon as possible. My entertainment, livelihood and sanity depend upon it.

Yours in blawgdom,

The CultureGhost

Does anyone post here anymore?

It's punk rock Thursday, with Social Distortion's cover of the Rolling Stone's "Under my Thumb."

Let's take some E.

Electric Six "Body Shot" (2009) - NSFW 18+ from Another Reybee Productions, Inc. on Vimeo.

Meet The Proggels

John and Jane Proggel were the inspiration for this NYTimes piece.

Birth of a Meme

A Political Murder-Suicide Strategy?
Ed Kilgore: "It's possible, and perhaps even probable, that the GOP strategy for 2010 is to create a political environment so toxic and voter-alienating that Republicans can win a very low turnout election by whipping their base into a genuine frenzy. That's obviously not a very good scenario for the country, and it remains to be seen if it's even good for the GOP."

A few years ago I'd have nodded and said, yup, that's right, evil GOP up to their Rovian tricks once again. Not these days. Did it ever occur to one of these political pundits that the Democrats have done plenty themselves towards creating a low voter turnout (see Iraq, Afghanistan, Illegal wire tapping of citizens, Healthcare, the Environment and a thousand other issues they dropped the ball on for their constituents)? Of course it has.

Gee Twenty

The ED-209 is real!