Guys from Area 51

Quite simply the only person I could vote for in 2012.

2011-07-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry Gus, Sorry George, I've switch allegiance to one Mister Paulie Kukucinich.

Because we've always be suckers for perennial candidates...

2011-05-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

And a good ribbing...

And the bomb goes drop.

2011-03-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

What else you gonna do with a half trillion dollar defense budget?

WINNING.

2011-03-01T20:09:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentleman. Meet the new GFA51 nominee. Move over Gus Hall. Coked-up beats dead anytime.

All right, Mr. DeMille...

2011-01-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed how opposition leaders always release tapes immediately following a large attack?

Virtual Freedom; or The Tools of Diplomacy.

2010-12-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

Remarks on Internet Freedom

I always root for the villain in any movie.

2010-12-04T17:05:00.000-08:00

Did you really think it was over.

2010-11-12T15:37:00.001-08:00

Does This Google Veterans Day Logo Look Muslim to You?

What are you looking at, butthead?

2010-11-08T16:43:00.000-08:00

Marty and Doc have found themselves in alternate ~~1985~~ 2010 where ~~Biff Tannen~~ John Boehner now controls their fate.

Ahoy!

2010-11-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

Nice to have you on board, Mrs Palin. It a tough row to hoe--comparing the United States to the Weimar Republic and siding with Socialist foreign countries against U.S. economic policy--all by ourselves.

The Repudiation of Barack & Sarah

2010-11-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

Contrarian's will surely proffer visions of a Republican Congress actually bolstering Barack Obama's chances in 2012... but I believe Obama's fate as a one-termer was sealed last night with the defeat of Ted Strickland in Ohio. The 2010 Census just went down if you've so soon forgot and there's redistricting on the horizon in Ohio and other key states.

---

Oh, and before I forget about the silver lining how's that dopey derangedness workin' for ya, Palinites?

Midterm Election Live Blog!

2010-11-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

Heh, not a chance. Most of us either a) did not vote b) voted for our pets or c) voted for Robert Rizzo.

But the past two years have just flown by. It just felt like yesterday.

So, congratulations are in order. This one goes out to the victorious Michael Steele, The Tea Party and Aqua Buddha...

Keep it real. boyz.

November 2

2010-10-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Stomp for Freedom

2010-10-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

a birkenstock stomping on a human face forever

2010-10-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

Have you been to a liberal website recently? Have you read the comments? Anything feel familiar?

Deranged.

Saves us Willie!

2010-10-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

Black President lessons are scheduled for Nov. 3rd at Acropolis Community College in Anacostia. Sessions will begin at 10 am. Please bring a sharpened #2 pink rubber dildo and scrap paper for calculations.

Mooslim Errows

2010-10-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

Rick Sanchez canned for talking about Jews, Juan Williams ousted for talking about Muslims...who's next?

Is This Supposed To Make Me A Better Person?

2010-10-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

The past two years have been some of the most difficult times of my life and somehow I'm still here. I just want to run away or hide in a deep hole. I guess The Universe has some plans for me; I would just like to know what they are. So here's what has happened:

Oct. 8th, 2008 - Shatter my shoulder while clowning around on my new bicycle.
Oct. 23rd, 2008 - Primary care physician calls...seems the radiologist detected "cloudiness" in my chest x-ray of my shoulder. Is the beginnings of emphysema...nothing to worry about he says. Blood runs cold.

November 2008 - I see pulmonary specialist...after pulmonary function tests...I have slight to moderate COPD....must cease smoking immediately.

December 2008 - Student brings me article about clinical trial for early detection of lung cancer. While it costs me $325 for the CT scan, it saves my life for on Jan. 23rd, my pulmonary specialist calls me at 3:30pm with the news that they have found two tumors on my lower right lobe of my lung. All things considered, we have to assume it is cancer. 4:04 pm, I have my last cigarette, shaking like a leaf. The next few days/weeks find me undergoing all sorts of tests and probes and the like. February 18th, I am in an operating room undergoing a lobectomy for Stage IIA cancer (later it turns out to be Stage IIIA as it spread to a lymph node outside the lung). After a period of recovery, I undergo chemotherapy. It is in the middle of this that my 82 year old mother calls and informs me she has breast cancer. Yikes! I get a six week break from chemo and then it's 33 sessions of radiation which damn well near killed me. I then develop pneumonia as a result from the radiation. Things seems to settle down for a while. Then while we are on a cruise ship in Feb 2010, I have a seizure while on a day excursion. Upon my return to California, my driver's license is immediately suspended and I have to undergo a battery of tests to see if there is anything wrong. All clear. Shortly after my return, my mother informs me that they didn't get all the cancer and it has spread. She is doing chemo with mixed results, but the prognosis is not good. Meanwhile my scans have been clean, but that doesn't stop me from being scared out of my wits waiting for the results. Also due to the budget crisis, I've lost a full month of pay, but I guess that's minor in the overall scheme of things.

Five weeks ago my mother called and said things were not good and could I come to NYC...her oncologist wasn't giving her much time. So we flew back to be with her and sure enough he said she had maybe a week to ten days to live. That was five weeks ago and she is still going along. Go figure.
I flew back to California to attend to our affairs out here and straighten things out with work. But I'm a nervous wreck with my mother's situation, my employment situation and the fact that my wife will probably lose her job. So we have no income at the moment. My mother is dying slowly and I'm in the middle of a total meltdown.

Somebody tell me how this is supposed to make a stronger person?????

Public Service Announcement

2010-10-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

Slurs and nannies ain't gonna fix a failed state. Neither is the ballot box.

America's 15...

2010-10-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

Shoo Fly

2010-10-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

Book. Shoe. Coda. The End.

Midterm Witchcraft

2010-10-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

Haste makes waste.

I could have told you this months ago.

2010-10-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

Obama-Clinton ticket in 2012 is 'on the table,' Woodward says

P.S. I do believe I've been perusing too much Wondermark and Married to the Sea in google reader lately.

Dirty Sanchez

2010-10-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for this moment for all my life.

What an Ass.

2010-09-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

My favorite boob is back in the news, ladies and gentlemen, ~~Manuela~~ Michael Arcuri:

er... oh yes, here we are:

Boehner surprise: Dems barely get votes to adjourn after floor speech
By Jordan Fabian

House Democrats on Wednesday barely won a 210-209 vote to adjourn the House without extending the Bush tax cuts.

Thirty-nine House Democrats voted against adjournment after Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) urged opposition to the motion in a floor speech that said it would be irresponsible for Congress to leave without providing certainty on the tax issue. Dozens of Democrats in tough races voted against adjourning.

. . .

The 39 Democrats who voted against adjournment were a mix of centrist Blue Dogs and vulnerable members from Republican-leaning districts.

And yes, you guessed it, Arcuri is once again on the list of Democrats with their finger in the air. No surprise there at this point, he's a politician after all. I'm sure he plans on running on his record of well planned out decisions he's made in Congress over the last two years...

them that work forces.

2010-09-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

President Obama’s new Rolling Stone interview via Peter Daou:

[Signaled by his aides, the president brings the interview to a close and leaves the Oval Office. A moment later, however, he returns to the office and says that he has one more thing to add. He speaks with intensity and passion, repeatedly stabbing the air with his finger.]

One closing remark that I want to make: It is inexcusable for any Democrat or progressive right now to stand on the sidelines in this midterm election. There may be complaints about us not having gotten certain things done, not fast enough, making certain legislative compromises. But right now, we’ve got a choice between a Republican Party that has moved to the right of George Bush and is looking to lock in the same policies that got us into these disasters in the first place, versus an administration that, with some admitted warts, has been the most successful administration in a generation in moving progressive agendas forward.

The idea that we’ve got a lack of enthusiasm in the Democratic base, that people are sitting on their hands complaining, is just irresponsible. … We have to get folks off the sidelines. People need to shake off this lethargy, people need to buck up. Bringing about change is hard — that’s what I said during the campaign. It has been hard, and we’ve got some lumps to show for it. But if people now want to take their ball and go home, that tells me folks weren’t serious in the first place. If you’re serious, now’s exactly the time that people have to step up.

"Destructive" Fox New's reaction.

WSJ predicts revolution and anarchy.

Right now you got a choice between a Democratic Party that's moved to the right of George Bush and a Republican party thats moved even farther. My reaction:

In other words... yes please to anarchy and revolution..

im in ur base killin ur d00dz

2010-09-27T15:57:00.000-07:00

Vice President Biden to Democratic Base: 'Stop Whining'

At a fundraiser in Manchester, NH, today, Vice President Biden urged Democrats to "remind our base constituency to stop whining and get out there and look at the alternatives. This President has done an incredible job. He’s kept his promises."

The remarks, made to roughly 200 top Democratic activists and donors, recall comments President Obama made last week to “griping and groaning Democrats…Folks: wake up. This is not some academic exercise. As Joe Biden put it, Don’t compare us to the Almighty, compare us to the alternative.”

Literally. Stop whining or we'll have to raid your home. It's no State Secret, they're doing an incredible job. So get in line. You're either with us or against us.

Black Reagan Redux

2010-09-21T15:11:00.000-07:00

Be kind, rewind.

I caught O'bummer yammering out of the corner of my ear a while back and something he said stuck with me for the irony of it...

Remarks by the President on the Economy in Parma, Ohio
Cuyahoga Community College West Campus, Parma, Ohio

I believe government should be lean; government should be efficient. I believe government should leave people free to make the choices they think are best for themselves and their families, so long as those choices don’t hurt others.

But in the words of the first Republican President, Abraham Lincoln, I also believe that government should do for the people what they cannot do better for themselves. And that means making the long-term investments in this country’s future that individuals and corporations can't make on their own: investments in education and clean energy, in basic research and technology and infrastructure.

Of course that doesn't turn out to be the ironic part, Socialist Commie Kenyan sekrit muslin using a great American's words against the very part of Lincoln. Forget that any student of history that knows anything about our nation's first Republican president knows that he'd be considered far to liberal for today's GOP. The supporting evidence is damning; speaking out against the Mexican-American War, the Revenue Act of 1861 creating the first U.S. income tax, suppressing State's Rights in favor of the Federal government's prerogatives regarding slavery and the resulting civil war. Not to mention possibly gay!

The ironic part, it turns out, is that Lincoln never said, "I believe that government should do for the people what they cannot do better for themselves." That was some speech writer's very liberally interpreted paraphrase of, "You cannot help men permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves," which in itself was a quote attributed to Lincoln in one of those retarded conservative chainmails your Aunt or Uncle forward you at least once a week. The person who actually said that was Rev. William J. H. Boetcker, a favorite of one Ronald Reagan:

An outspoken political conservative, Rev. Boetcker is perhaps best remembered for his authorship of a pamphlet entitled The Ten Cannots. Originally published in 1916, it is often misattributed to Abraham Lincoln. The error apparently stems from a leaflet printed in 1942 by a conservative political organization called the Committee for Constitutional Government. The leaflet bore the title "Lincoln on Limitations" and contained some genuine Lincoln quotations on one side and the "Ten Cannots" on the other, with the attributions switched. The mistake of crediting Lincoln for having been the source of "The Ten Cannots" has been repeated many times since, most notably by Ronald Reagan in a speech he gave at the 1992 Republican convention in Houston.

So not only do O'bummer and his top advisors listen to Andrew Breitbart & Fox News for policy advice... they're taking to heart the wisdom of crank chain e-mails. Thankyou sir may I have another!

To sit back hoping that someday, some way, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last--but eat you he will. - Ronald Reagan

Update: Right on time...

Republican lawmaker: Reagan would face 'tough time' in today's GOP

New York, New York...

2010-09-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hide yo keds.

2010-09-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

The party is being pulled apart!

2010-09-16T04:34:00.000-07:00

Fangs of Empire or; RUN WHITE LADY RUN!!!1!!

2010-09-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

A tip of the hat to 6TH OR 7TH

Tough guy, huh.

2010-09-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

True, right?

2010-08-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

Respect dat.

Over there! Over there!

2010-08-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

Joseph Palmi: Let me ask you something... we Italians, we got our families, and we got the church; the Irish, they have the homeland, Jews their tradition; even the niggers, they got their music. What about you people, Mr. Wilson, what do you have?
Edward Wilson: The United States of America. The rest of you are just visiting.

Up in yaw area, causin' mass hysteria.

2010-08-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

If Only...

2010-08-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

What collapsing empire looks like
BY GLENN GREENWALD

vs

What collapsing empire looks like
BY FREDERICK:

Be Warned

2010-08-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

Bus drops may still occur randomly and without notice.

Carry on my wayward sons and daughters.

To All The Democrats, Liberals, Proggels and Other Left of Center Leaning Types:

2010-08-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

You got fucked plain and simple. Yup, you sure made history electing the first African-American President, but tell me, in all honesty, how are you enjoying the third term of George W. Bush? Be honest now. Look at the facts. Look at the situation and write down your thoughts. Please. I'd be most curious.

BREITBART: HAHA SHERROD UR

2010-07-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

. . . and thats all I've got to say about that.

This just in at the foreign desk.

2010-07-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

A few of my favorite counterfactuals.

2010-07-23T04:09:00.000-07:00

My emphasis added...

On the economy: Last week Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader, declared that “there’s no evidence whatsoever that the Bush tax cuts actually diminished revenue. They increased revenue, because of the vibrancy of these tax cuts in the economy.” So now the word is that the Bush-era economy was characterized by “vibrancy.” Addicted to Bush - By PAUL KRUGMAN

A report to be released at 11 a.m. EDT (1500 GMT) will estimate that Obama's $862 billion economic stimulus package, which passed last year, has saved or created 3 million jobs and is on track to meet its goal of 3.5 million jobs by the end of this year. - WH Says Stimulus 'Saved' 3 Million Jobs

In the 2000 election, in a campaign that seemed driven more by vanity than by any realistic political vision, Ralph Nader did all he could to undermine Al Gore; even though Mr. Gore, however unsatisfying to the Naderites, was clearly a better choice than the current occupant of the White House. - Who’s Nader Now? By PAUL KRUGMAN

...and now live and direct from The Royal Albert Hall, El Serracho's favorite band with one of their classics, "What Is and What Should Never Be"

Obama Dun Goofed

2010-07-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

Shirley back-traced it.

My hands are tied.

2010-07-06T20:03:00.001-07:00

On the Left, a False Choice Fuels the Growing Civil War Over Obama

The Perks of Being Married to the Secretary of State

2010-06-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

Big Dog and Captain Bocanegra after the US win against Algeria [via deadspin]

I Am In Yer Internets Pushing Yer Buttons

2010-06-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

Obama internet 'kill switch' proposed

Look out behind you, Barack!

2010-06-06T07:16:00.001-07:00

From The Home Town of George Bluth

2010-06-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

NEWPORT BEACH – A waterfront home owned by Councilman Ed Selich, who has faced money troubles going back three decades, is in default and might be sold at auction next month, records show.

Selich could not be reached for comment at the Newport Harbor home, and he did not respond by press time to phone messages or an e-mail.

The property, purchased by Selich in 2001, sits on Bayside Drive between Jamboree Road and Pacific Coast Highway. County records show it is in default, and a newspaper legal notice published Thursday says it will be offered at auction on July 1.

The Register two years ago detailed how Selich compiled nearly $2.2 million in liens covering unpaid taxes and homeowners association bills going back to 1981.

I'm so getting a government job so I don't have to pay my bills for the next 30 years.

Two days late and a border incursion short

2010-06-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

but here's crispin sartwell's take on memorial day. not bad for someone so enamored of sarah palin

DEATH TO AMERICA!

2010-05-19T05:43:00.000-07:00

Arab-American beauty queens, Uncle Arlen defeated, Ayn Rand Paul triumphant...has the whole world gone crazy?

Death Watch?

2010-05-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

Is it me or does anyone else think Shakesville is terminal? The number of comments is declining. There aren't as many postings and it seems to have lost its fighting spirit...

Anyone wanna bet The Queen of Fuck Mountain is flippin' burgers at Hardee's by October?

Place Title Here.

2010-05-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

All join now and lament the death of my ~~cock~~ blog
A tounge of knowledge in the feathered night
Boys get crazy in the head and suffer
I sacrifice my ~~cock~~ blog on the alter of silence

Someone in the DOD Memorized Visio For Dummies

2010-04-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

Enemy Lurks in Briefings on Afghan War - PowerPoint - NYTimes.com

Failure of Imagination

2010-04-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

Back when 'hope' meant tax cuts and 'change' meant deregulation.

"I don't think anybody could have predicted ... that they would try to use an airplane as a missile...had this president known a plane would be used as a missile, he would have acted on it." - Condoleezza Rice, 2002

August 6, 2001: Bin Laden determined to strike in US

. . .

"I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees." - George W. Bush, 2005.

White House Got Early Warning on Katrina

Why the Levee Broke

. . .

"We all misjudged the risks involved...Everybody missed it -- academia, the Federal Reserve, all regulators". - Alan Greenspan, 2010.

I Saw the Crisis Coming. Why Didn’t the Fed?

BUT...NO ONE COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT THE MARKETS WOULD FAIL.

They obviously had an alternative interpretation of the word 'save'.

Ratchet Effect FTW

2010-03-24T02:21:00.000-07:00

Chart: Comparing Health Reform Bills: Democrats and Republicans 2009, Republicans 1993

What a Boob.

2010-03-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

I should have stuck with the tradition of posting a Manuela Arcuri pic every time my Congressmen Michael Arcuri bobo'd something up. Then again, I'd have been out of fucking pictures to post back in his first term.

Arcuri will vote against health care reform
UTICA, N.Y. -- Utica area Congressman Michael Arcuri has ended his status as undecided on the health care reform bill. Arcuri says he will vote against the measure when it comes to a vote on the House floor.

Arcuri says his key concern was a lack of steps in the legislation to keep health care costs in check.

Democrats are struggling to assemble the 216 votes needed to pass the bill.

In response to Michael Arcuri's announcement that he will vote no on the health care bill Richard Hanna, a republican candidate for Congress, said, "I am pleased that after months of inexplicable waffling, he has finally decided to listen to his constituents, who are overwhelmingly against this bill -- as they should be. It is unfortunate that it's taken an election year for him to vote the way he should. We should all be asking what Mr. Arcuri's core principles are."

If Arcuri had a snowball's chance in...damn, what was I saying, oh, ya, if he though he was getting reelected by sticking his finger up in the air and seeing which way the wind blows around these hills and valleys out in the western extreme of his district he shoulda pulled his fucking head out of his ass along time ago.

They all should have, every last Dem. The time to stand for something is a little to late. I've already taken the first step, when are you going to decide you've had enough:

Imagine a future in which millions of families live off the grid, powering their homes and vehicles with dirt-cheap portable fuel cells. As industrial agriculture sputters under the strain of the spiraling costs of water, gasoline and fertilizer, networks of farmers using sophisticated techniques that combine cutting-edge green technologies with ancient Mayan know-how build an alternative food-distribution system. Faced with the burden of financing the decades-long retirement of aging boomers, many of the young embrace a new underground economy, a largely untaxed archipelago of communes, co-ops, and kibbutzim that passively resist the power of the granny state while building their own little utopias.

Ramones live at CBGB from 1977 with song Cretin Hop

To answer your question, Jim.

2010-03-12T04:53:00.000-08:00

I'm a Gonna Primary You, Mang

2010-03-10T14:42:00.000-08:00

Markos Moulitsas To Kucinich: You'll Be Primaried If You Kill Reform

Bullseye.

2010-03-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

From IOZ commenter Inkberrow:

Leave Obama Alone !!!

He SAID he was going to close Gitmo, hold civil "terror" trials, reverse Patriot Act invasions of privacy, and halt the Wars on Terror. He KNOWS gay marriage is right, and that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and religious-moralist limitations on abortion services are wrong.

Good proggies can't afford to let Obama suffer a crushing defeat on the health care "reform" front. His very credibility is at stake.

Hot damn. I never rode in a convertible before.

2010-03-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

"Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you." - Bill Hicks

Bravo, Sir! Bravo!

2010-02-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

Bunning Launches One-Man Filibuster

Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) began a filibuster late last night "against a bill with several popular provisions aimed at people hit hardest by the recession. So far, he is succeeding," Roll Call reports.

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) organized a group of Democrats "to man the floor for a potential all-night session. But after three hours of often heated debate -- during which Bunning could be heard yelling obscenities at other lawmakers -- Durbin dropped his efforts for the evening shortly before midnight."

Now, set aside your political leanings for just a moment. Maybe we should convert this to sports analogy, as style dictates these days. A one man defensive line just ground the 59 man offensive line of the opposing team to a halt. Single handedly over three hours this one man proved once and for all and without a doubt that it wouldn't matter if you had 99 Democratic Senators elected to the upper house, they'd all get their dicks knocked in the dirt every single last time by one man with the courage of his convictions.

"Republican Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) on Thursday night expressed his opposition to renewing unemployment benefits on the Senate floor with an unusually harsh message for its backers: 'Tough shit.'"

Good Morning Amerika, How Are Ya?

2010-02-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

Students propose new patriotic policies
THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

FULLERTON - Student-written policies for daily patriotic exercises and the display of a U.S. flag in every classroom go to the Fullerton Joint Union High School District board for final adoption Tuesday night.

The proposed policies, researched and developed by the district's Student Advisory Council, are in response to students and residents who urged the board last July to follow the state education code, which mandates certain patriotic activities.

Students noted that some classrooms lacked flags, and that the Pledge of Allegiance wasn’t recited daily.

[GASP]. A classroom without a flag is like a motel room without a Gideon Bible!

Marshal, Marshall, Marshall.

2010-02-21T00:03:00.000-08:00

John Galt Also Flies Piper Cherokee

2010-02-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

So the guy who flew his plane into the Austin IRS building was a signer of the Mount Vernon Statement? Far out.

At the request of my comrades and cohorts....

2010-02-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

When I first was presented with the piece about the young woman whose "trash-talking" Facebook Page about one of her teachers was considered protected free speech and thus her lawsuit for being unfairly suspended could proceed this morning, my first reaction was, "Perhaps, if you spent more time doing your fucking homework and less time on Facebook, you might have a better relationship with said teacher."
You kids, you have no idea how easy you got it today. Why, in my day, when you wanted to write a disparaging comment about a teacher or other school official you were limited to the use of an El Marko or Super Fat Wide El Markos ( a type of writing implement) on the bathroom stall wall and so even then your audience was limited to whomever had to take a shit: "Mr. Fitzpatrick sucks rat balls." And the janitor would take it down over the weekend (see, even our acts of vandalism provided gainful employment for those charged with undoing our carnage)Now, you have Facebook, MySpace and Twitter upon which you can spend entire evenings describing in glorious detail how Mr. Fitzpatrick sucks rat balls and half the Western Civilized world can share in this with you. Of course, you could do your homework, but what's the fun in that...that's for non-cool kids. And then like, what is so hella cool is we got this thing, this piece of paper written a long ago that says I can say or write anything I want about Mr. Fitzpatrick and how he licks rat balls and no one can do anything to me because this is America and like we're totally free to say whatever we want and that what makes us so great. And my dad, got this totally awesome lawyer, who's going to sue everyone including Mr. Fitzpatrick so he can't lick rat balls any more. And I'm put it all over my Facebook Page and if anyone has a picture of Mr. Fitzpatrick licking a rat ball that would hella cool, too.

Crash Into Me

2010-02-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

We told Gary that the bus is for dropping - NOT driving - but he just wouldn't listen!

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall...

2010-02-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

Motherfucking God Damn Us All to Hell!!!

2010-02-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

WE FORGOT!!!

Look Ma, We're on Tumblr!

2010-01-29T08:16:00.001-08:00

Our never-ending quest to seize more online real estate has led us to open an outpost on Tumblr. We now have a presense on the hippest interweb platform du jour. Don't worry, we're not leaving blogger, so don't tase us bro. Our tumblog (sp?) will contain bits and pieces of our weirdness plus the wonderful photoshopped images you've come to treasure as only a true fan would.

A Preview of Obama's Great Big Speech to End All Speeches, Part IX

2010-01-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.

You lie!

Uh, umm...my teleprompter is broken. How about...we...freeze spending!

I Guess I Had a Few Good Ones Last Year

2010-01-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

My year end review of photoshoppery, about 26 days late...

Annual review.

2010-01-25T20:03:00.000-08:00

Almost forgot to do a round up of my personal favorite pieces of photoshop and shameless self promotion this year! (I'm sure you remember last years.) Click on the pics to go back to the original posts.

Scenes from American History

2010-01-24T14:56:00.000-08:00

Why I Am No Longer A Decent, Hard Working, Patriotic, God-Fearing, Flag Waving, Tax-Paying Amerikan.

2010-01-24T05:50:00.001-08:00

It always warms the cockles of my meager heart when politicians and the like trot out the phrase "decent, hard-working Americans" and all the attendant virtues that accompany such an accolade. I would like to take this opportunity to refute them one by one as they apply to me so we all know where we stand.

1) "decent" Not one politician, elected official, law-enforcement officer,military personnel or person of the cloth has earned the right to judge me "decent." I read about your bribe-taking, your influence peddling, the breaking of your marriage vows, the beating and tasering of suspects, the pedophilia rampant in the church, the detainment of suspects without due process, the "enhanced interrogation techniques"; these are what define you, not me. I don't want compliments issued from corrupt and soiled mouths of the putrid elite. Your praise means nothing to me.

2) "Hard-working" - now there's a laugh. I no longer believe in the American work ethic. It is a lie and con-job to make the proletariat feel as though they have some control and pride in their pathetic obligations to the corporate state. Me? I'm a state employee and I guarantee you are not getting your money's worth from your tax dollars here in California. I make it a point to fuck around on the internet for at least three hours out of every work day. I use company time and vehicles to run personal errands. In other words, I take full advantage of the system for my benefit-I don't give a damn if it fits in with my employer's desires and goals, I work around those. I derive great satisfaction in lowering American productivity, especially at taxpayer expense since your taxes pay my salary.

3) Patriotic. Fuck that. Any allegiance or loyalty I had to this country is over and finished. It was minimal at best in my early youth, but as I've seen the things we are capable of here and abroad, my sense of national and civic pride has shriveled to next to nothing. The American Democratic experiment was a marvelous idea; it's just too bad that greed, avarice, corruption, lust for power and complacency rotted it from within. And the the Supreme Court's most recent ruling concerning the place of the American Corporation in American Society has eroded whatever residue of respect I once had for the institutions of this country. If a corporation now has the same status as a human being, I shall be removing my name from the voter registration rolls, I will not stand for the national anthem nor will I rise to my feet when the flag goes by. That shit is for suckers.

4) "God fearing" - I always like how they throw that one to keep us all humble and honest. I believe in "something" but it certainly isn't Christian American Jesus and His Pass The Silver Plate On Sunday mega-Churches....you want to see God, look at a book of Hubble Telescope Photographs. You want to understand the Universe, read a book about particle physics...if neither of those is able to generate a spiritual experience of some sort, then you are a sheep and deserve to spend your Sundays listening to the corrupt and greedy tell you how to conduct your lives because you lack the imagination to do for yourselves.

5) The "Star & Bars" is an archaic antique now that the Supreme Court has decided that corporations are "people", too. So burn your flags as the stars will be replaced with corporate logos in the coming years. I'll be burning mine soon and taping it for YouTube.

6) I get particularly gleeful when Amerikans defend themselves by saying, "I pay my taxes." As if it is volitional...have you ever examined your paycheck...the taxes are already deducted. It's not like your employer comes to your paycheck and says, "Wow, look at John Q. Idiiot, willing to fork over so much money to support this great nation of ours." It is the law, motherfucker, so don't beat your chest and proclaim the majesty of your extra special citizenship because you pay taxes-we all do, so shut the fuck up.

All I ask from you Amerika is to leave me the fuck alone. I don't want any part of your nation-building, your "export" of freedom and liberty, your military adventurism, your one party politics, your rah-rah we're the greatest nation on earth, your 500 channels of television, your illiterate yard apes of children, your can do spirit....I'm sick of it all. It's hollow, it's empty, it's an illusion and a delusion. You keep telling yourself your lies that enable you to get up in the morning and face the simulacrum of your lives.....just don't involve me.

But The Counter-Revolution Certainly Will

2010-01-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

Too bad Billy Mays is dead, 'cos he would have dominated the corpo-political infomercial landscape.

CUNT

2010-01-21T23:13:00.000-08:00

Not only are you an eyesore to behold, you have an ugly personality.

Nudgement Day

2010-01-21T08:41:00.000-08:00

Mark your calendars. January 20, 2010 was the day politics became self-aware.

It's all the more reason to get on board with the Dead Gus Hall Express. He has no shit to pass, no perceptions to fight. He also does not pose nude.

He's in it regardless if he wins it.

The Morning After?

2010-01-19T17:24:00.000-08:00

Just ask another loser about the prospects for retaining the Super Duper Uber MajorityTM...

Well Then, It's Official...

2010-01-18T14:21:00.000-08:00

O.C. pastor agrees: Haiti made deal with Satan

Evangelist broadcaster Pat Robertson attracted criticism last week when he said that Haiti was “cursed” because it made “a pact with the devil.” But that hasn’t stopped Buena Park Pastor Wiley Drake, a Southern Baptist, from saying he shares Robertson’s view.

“I don’t know that God brought that earthquake or not,” Drake said. However, the misfortunes of the country - including its extreme poverty, ongoing political turmoil and frequent natural disasters - could be repercussions of the alleged deal with Satan, he said.

It was an alleged deal. Oh, thanks Orange County Register for clarifying that, since the first person to have mentioned this deal was an evangelical leader who claims he can leg press 2,000 lbs.

Obama at the Easel

2010-01-16T06:53:00.000-08:00

Thank the Gods, I once again have the power of photoshop.

The Official 2010 MMM-GFA51 Bus List

2010-01-13T13:18:00.000-08:00

With love...

we'll get to the bottom of this...

2010-01-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Blog Note

2010-01-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note: I just spoke to Frederick and El Serracho this morning and I thought I'd let you all know they are planning to take a few more personal days. The Progressive Bloggers' Code allows three personal days per fiscal year, so they decided they should use them up before April 15.

Steele Tha Funkee Homosapien

2010-01-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

Why We Will Unltimately Prevail!!!!!!

2010-01-10T18:53:00.001-08:00

click to enlarge

Our flowcharts and graphics are better than the enemy's.

Dirty Harry

2010-01-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

That Obama don't talk jive like the rest of 'em. Honest Injun!

Unsolicited Advice

2010-01-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. McEwan;

I understand that yet again there is trouble in the land called Shakesville. These incidents seem to be occurring with an increased frequency. Perhaps it is time for some profound and drastic changes to implement a new outlook and feel to your community. My first suggestion would be to change the name to something more inviting...say...."A Warm Place To Shit."

Thinking of you,

The CultureGhost

Not In Your Wildest Wet Obama Stained Dreams

2010-01-08T05:08:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentleman, your quote of the week:

After the mid-term election is over and even if the republicans pick up a few seats in the Senate, President Obama is going to do a 180 degree turn from what he’s done over the last year. He will try to push through some real change and you watch…..the right wing will continue to block and they may be successful. And guess what? President Obama will then use the right wing’s “We Hate Americans! Don’t Care If You’re Safe Or Not!” meme against them in 2012!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bonus: For some more proggel fun, check out the latest Shakesfail. It's been awhile since the last one. They are long overdue for some heretic burning.

Thanks to Reginleif for the tip.

Why We Are Winning In Afghanistan!!!!

2010-01-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

(as always, click to enlarge)

We have better flow charts!

Would Rachael Ray Use Her Own Yeast Infection As A Sourdough Starter?

2010-01-06T12:34:00.000-08:00

Just askin'.

Make That The Indefinite Root Canal

2010-01-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

Help the GOP take back the House - and save an innocent dog's life.

Remember, there's always an election around the corner, so donate today!

Too Soon I Guess

2010-01-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

Sweatshirt Sparks School Controversy

This Is Your Future

2010-01-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

My daughter turns six weeks old tomorrow. Living with a newborn baby these past weeks has been hell for my wife and I. We are blessed that our daughter is healthy and thriving. But we did not get the textbook baby. You know, the one that is supposed to sleep a combined 16 hours a day and is typically calm unless hungry or has a soiled diaper. We have a high maintenance, constant fuss child. We're thinking she has colic, because she starts screaming around 3pm everyday and will not let up around 8pm (here's a video of her typical meltdown). We meet parents who say their newborns are perfect angels who eat well and then sleep. We want to strangle these parents and throw their bodies into the Back Bay.

That said, it has led me to explore the plethora of baby books on the market. Before I go any further let me say that the experts are all wrong. Trial and error is the best approach to dealing with a baby. Like religion or politics, every baby rearing philosophy claims to have "the truth". One of the more impractical and possible detrimental philosophies out there is the "attachment parenting" philosophy championed by Dr. Sears.

Sears advocates holding or wearing your child in a sling constantly, breastfeeding anytime the child cries and having the child sleep in your bed. This method is impractical for a household in which both parents work. Maybe it would be feasible if several people stayed home all day with the infant and shared the various care duties. Also, this method does not work if you have a fussy baby like mine who will not tolerate being placed in a sling. Drawn to its logical extension, this method seems like it would produce a highly clingy child who won't leave their parents' bed until age 5 and learns to be completely dependent on their parents for soothing and comfort.

So, to get to my point. The below scan comes from Dr. Sears' The Baby Book.

To recap:

1. It's up to the mother to not let baby come between the spousal relationship. Sorry Dads.
2. It's totally normal to have sex in bed with your child lying right next to you.
3. Sex will be more exciting by having your child sleep in bed because you'll be forced to fool around in other rooms of the house.

Umm, not only will this method produce insecure, clingy adolescents but it will lead major sexual hang-ups and some interesting discoveries in the subconscious during psychotherapy in adulthood.

Pez Head Dead

2010-01-03T19:32:00.000-08:00

Seriously.

The Unvarnished Truth

2010-01-03T12:40:00.001-08:00

NOM NOM MONSTER

2010-01-03T09:55:00.000-08:00

The White House Strategy Session is Adjourned

2010-01-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

Obama’s Royal Scam and The Iron Fist Of Rahm

Terrorist Watch List

2010-01-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

Tis The Season

2010-01-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

Sappy Nu Yer!

2010-01-01T10:06:00.000-08:00